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Minggu, 28 Oktober 2012

Behind The Black


So wonderful beauty that God has given, until this moment I can joke with every bliss that I have. About you and be with you, I'm always bombarded with a sweet smile that is so sincere from you. I always expect the time to stop when I'm with you. Holding hands with a steady foot into the light of life will progressively light glare. I wish I could repeat more sense of that day. How I could only be grateful for the gift of God that is so kindly giving happiness to useless to us.

But again, that's just what happened several years ago. When you're still here, still accompanied my day with such great spirit to stay with me. I always repeat my way to get your attention every time you're busy with your own business. At that time, I always succeed to get love, even though you sometimes look so upset because I made you even pay attention to me alone. But, now all changed. Since you came back to the God a year ago, the fog was still covering my smile.

 At that time we were enjoying the way back to the city where we live. I'm trying to reach my phone lying on a sofa behind the car. I tried reaching out, but damn. You were with a small gap that trying to reach my phone watching me until when I got back to my seat, a truck passing leads us to the forward car accident so tragic for me recalled back. I saw you covered in blood at the time. I was about five feet away from you is reversed in the car. I could not do anything about it. All I could do is seeing you from my place and tried to shout your name as loud as possible. But again unlucky. A voice so strong I tried to remove it from my throat finally could not instigated. Until more people are swarming around us and after that blackened my sight until I forget things after that.

After that, all I remember is the first time I opened my eyes I saw that it was only a white roof. Sure enough, this is hospitals. Oh, no ... Where is he? Where's my sweetheart? You know, when I started powered remember him, I tried to turn his head toward my right. All I saw was my father stood beside my best friend. I'm still not able to say that I took it out of my mouth only afford a small sigh seemed to have tired of waiting.Their faces are so scary. As if to keep me unconscious. definitely, after that I was holding my father's hand, as if asking for an explanation of all this.

I hate honesty. I covered my ears did not want to hear anything else they say. Tears dripped chubby cheeks. The tears that yesterday had me spend time with her happy tears. I was upset with many things. Especially with God. What else You want? Can not You just let me be happy for a moment. Until finally You dispose of that happiness. Immediately I was so very angry with the God. I became his servant that is so pagan. Dirty up my mind I was struggling trying to pull out the IV that is embedded in my right arm.

The incident I'll never remember back. At least, that's my promise to him when I attended his funeral. I was weak, I was covered in black cloth on my head. With that I wear sunglasses to cover my eyes because the bruises would not stop crying and sitting in a wheelchair not because I could not walk. I promise I will never be as happy as with you anymore. I can not. And really could not.

I became a person who is so pathetic. I spent my days just to paint the sky outside the window. My friend can not afford it with my behavior. She finally took me to an orphanage. At first I did not understand the desire. Until the third time we were there I understood her point. She wanted me as strong as that children. So I was just hiding behind its thick black clouds that had been fool me. My love will be happy there too. Well, he reasoned carry the name of love. I know his intentions so well. Until finally I tried to get up and start painting for the children.

Since that day I started to build up my life again. I started actively attending school painting again. I started learning about the social life I had never thought of before. I became more open and slowly being myself the first, although there is a black hole in my heart. Every month, I always go to his grave. I pray that he's be happy there too and also tell a lot about my life now.

Since the lessons of my life that I began to brave to learn the new things, try to release  the shadows of my love began to pass. I consider it to be a black fog of my past. I began to fill my days with rainbow. But I always remember my promise to him. I would still love him. Remain always and will never change.

Sadness and tears those are my life lessons.
I'm trying to survive, although I would fall
I will not know
, until I tried it. :)

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